Another brother has cancer.
We are not stunned like we were with Hugh. All the same, it’s another round of watching and waiting and praying it through. It is true: our body ages and decays in this broken world. I have never stopped wondering at the marvel: that we are created body, soul, and spirit together. An amalgamation of identity and being. It isn’t an integration where one is a receptacle for the other, like lock and key, but blended, so tangled up together that they cannot be distinctly teased out.
It is a ONENESS that defies full description, almost impossible to appreciate or embrace but for a blind faith in God who is himself three yet one.
So, when our body gives way to time, disease, unlucky genes, and the random tragedies of this earthly life, we spend most of our resources on trying to eradicate the physical dis-ease with drugs and surgery, while often ignoring the impact this all has on our whole self.
It’s easy to forget that the wilderness, which we seek out for its inherent beauty, quietness, and solitude is also constrained by the world’s brokenness. We tend to think, wrongly, that the wilderness is eternal, unchangeable. But, even its fullness is stained by decay, predation, random fire or flood; dangers lurk in its untamed, and indifferent beauty.
Upon hearing her own cancer diagnosis, poet Mary Oliver wrote,
Why should I have been surprised?
Hunters walk the forest without a sound.
The hunter, strapped to his rifle,
the fox on his feet of silk,
the serpent on his empire of muscles-
all move in stillness,
hungry, careful, intent.
Just as the cancer entered the forest of my body,
without a sound.*
The same goes with us. Though God promises us eternal life –conditional on our recognition and acknowledgement that we cannot save ourselves- we walk as pilgrims through (rarely around) life’s wilderness and dangers. And, for each of us, there is an appointed day in which the shroud of our whole self is forever torn by death, our body returned to the dust from which it came. What was once whole is now separated, that our soul and spirit can rise unburdened to God. Who can explain it?
And so we go forward, hand in hand in the hope of healing for our brother, the one who’s “got next”. If God is for us, who -or what- can be against us? We call the treatment of cancer a battle, and its eradication a victory. A curious thing, that it is couched in war language. But, it’s not just our physical self that is saved is it? All through the wilderness of living is the battle, often unseen, for our soul and spirit too. God wants, he demands that we yield all of what and who we are, cancer or no. On this side of the river, you just can’t be whole without it.
* Mary Oliver. “The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac” in Blue Horses.2014
3 thoughts on “Pilgrim”
Julie, Perfect timing for me to read this. I love how you’ve caught the essence of mind, body, spirit in the presence if bodily disease (dis-ease) in this piece.
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Praying for your health challenge, and the new ministry it has brought about.
Thank you. A Lot to ponder. Love the wilderness picture and the hunter walking through the forest. Also the comment about we use our resources to treat our bodies, to care for the body and your implicit call to focus on the spirit also. I appreciate this and will keep it at hand .